In which I give an update on body acceptance

I woke up this morning and chose the Disney music station on Pandora because I am sometimes still an eight year old girl and with the many stressful things going on in my life lately, I needed to remember a time when my mommy was alive and took care of me and things were done for me and I had few responsibilities, when things were safe because someone else made them so or because I did not know any better. Listening to the lyrics as an adult woman however threw me into a whole other tailspin.

“She’s the most beautiful girl in town and that makes her the best! And don’t I deserve the best?”

“A girl can bring her family great honor in one way: by striking a good match and this can be the day!”

“Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? You’re a spineless, pale, pathetic lot and you haven’t got a clue, Mr. I’ll make a man out of you.”

And then I saw this print and an ensuing discussion when a friend posted it on Facebook wherein her male friend asked, “Is this one of those ‘fat acceptance’ things?” and shared his feelings and opinions about how if we accept then we stop working and if his daughter was obese and did not like it, he would teach her how to work out and eat right and remind her that men like a little more cushion, completing what he no doubt thought was an awesome comment with the obligatory ;) and then I threw up everywhere and prayed he never has a daughter.

And then I saw this great segment from John Oliver’s show about America’s cognitive dissonance on Mother’s Day when we simultaneously worship our mothers and systematically deny them the rights they deserve, like mandatory paid maternity leave.

And all of this made me think about what it is like to be a woman and also about how I have progressed in my own journey of loving my own body. All before 8:00am. Because I am exhausting.

I cannot start any blog post about this without first acknowledging who I am. I am a white woman. Thus, I am afforded certain privileges (say, lack of a deep-rooted fear that the police will violate my bodily autonomy or an assurance that society values me and my white lady tears and feelings or the fact that when a woman is held up as a hero, she will most likely have my skin color or knowing that if I lose some weight, I will be considered the standard of beauty in our society because I am white or knowing that no one will try to touch my hair and compare me to a zoo animal) and we cannot do this whole thing without intersectionality (click here for a really helpful guide to that concept!) So when I talk about what it is like to be a woman and the difficulties, you have to consider that I am a white woman and my experience is different than the experiences of women of color because of my white privilege. And that my independent journey toward loving my body is made easier by the fact that I get a lot of reinforcement from society that even though I am fat, my white lady skin makes me better. And that is a big deal.

So, the dreaded FAT ACCEPTANCE MOVEMENT.  In case you have not heard, we have an OBESITY EPIDEMIC (and it has nothing to do with the systemic inequalities that deny adequate nutrition to poor people and nothing to do with big agri-business and nothing to do with our oddly emotional relationship to food and nothing to do with the inordinate amount of stress we live with on a daily basis because we live in a society that prizes consuming and productivity and money above all else everything to do with the fact that fatties be eating and lazy and just be eating all day, err’day). I have heard a lot about this body acceptance movement and maybe it is just me, but I have not personally experienced the supposedly DIRE CONSEQUENCES that arise from ceasing to say to yourself, “I hate you, body, because you are fat and ugly.” What has happened to me personally since I made a semi-serious commitment to loving my body like I love other people?

I went to the doctor for a health problem I had long been ignoring because I was embarrassed of my body and mad at it and I got some medicine that helps me feel better. And that problem went away!

I found a new job because the old one made me feel sick and sad and along with loving my body, I started to accept some things about myself (because as much as people want to tell you your body does not matter and it is all about what is inside, um, come the hell on. It freaking matters) and I realized I did not need to punish myself with that job.

I gave myself permission to accept my second chin. It sounds like it is not a big deal, but it actually truly is. I have an extra chin, y’all! Turns out I am still fan-freaking-tastic!

When my husband tells me I’m beautiful or grabs my large butt or my giant thighs because he likes them, I fucking believe him. Because I told that tiny voice in my head saying, “He’s lying and you’re gross” to move the fuck on because I know my husband and he does not lie and since I like my giant thighs, why wouldn’t he?

I eat really good food! I spend more money and I buy good groceries and I try new meals and new ways of eating and it is really fun.  

I give other people the permission to accept their bodies when they are around me. When I am in a room with other women and they start to talk about the things they do not like about themselves, I loudly proclaim that I love my body and I talk about the different things I love about it. At first, they look at me strangely because they are not used to a woman who looks like me talking like that about her big ol’ tummy, but then they stop talking badly about their own bodies and it is really awesome to see.

And I bought a bikini. And I am going to wear it this summer. In public, right out where people can see. I have tried it on and I look fabulous.

In my personal experience, this dangerous FAT ACCEPTANCE MOVEMENT (cue horror music) has been absolutely lethal…to the truly sick attitude I was walking around with regarding the body in which I live. Have I lost any weight? Who knows! I do not own a scale. I feel better than I did, so let’s go with that. Am I on a new diet? Nope, not at all, but I no longer have stress-induced chronic heartburn or nausea and I am enjoying cooking and getting my husband in on it too. Am I always able to look at myself and practice body acceptance? Nope, sure am not. Sometimes, a lot of times, I am reminded to accept my body after I say a mean thing to myself, but then I do try and hopefully next time, I get better.

So this is where and I am and this is at the heart of it: I am kind to myself. That is the long and short of it. That is the long and short of acceptance and it is the beginning of love. Extending a basic human kindness to myself in the form of accepting my body and allowing it simply to be as it is has changed me. And if that is buying into the dangerous fat acceptance movement then sign me up. I am personally volunteering to organize the next rally.