Taking stock

I've now made it to the middle of the fourth week and I'm feeling the need for some reflection. I've always heard it takes a month to form a new habit, but that hasn't really been my experience in other areas of my life. Lasting change takes much longer for me, but I think there's a need to go back and evaluate motives for change to keep the drive to continue. So, here it is.

The Good...
- I have much more energy than I used to. I'm not constantly riding sugar highs and lows or falling asleep halfway through the day. I'm able to focus for longer periods of time and more consistently.
- I seem to have come to the point where I actually enjoy green smoothies. The trick for me is fresh mint and some red pepper for sweetness. I actually enjoy my green smoothie each morning and end up feeling full without the heaviness that traditionally comes with a big breakfast.
- I feel good about cultivating some self control in this area of my life. I feel powerful when I'm able to take control of what I put in my mouth and say no to what I know will make me feel, quite frankly, like crap. On Sunday, the roommate and I went in search of sugar free frozen yogurt at one of those get it yourself and add your own toppings place. I ate a little bit and a couple hours later, almost fell asleep driving home. The crash was impossible to ignore. I said no to cheating and having some sugar tonight because I was going to a movie and I knew I would fall asleep in the middle. And I said NO! ME! Turns out, I have the ability to say no! That feeling of saying no to something I know will make me feel like crap is pretty bitchin all by itself.
- Y'all, EVERYTHING IS SWEET! It's creepy, really. Raw almonds are a dessert. The other night when I had a sweet tooth, I snacked on red pepper and it was fixed. I've really started to taste the natural sweetness in stuff and it's pretty great, actually.

The Bad...
- I haven't lost any weight and though this is not the reason I started this whole thing, it is a little disappointing.
- I'm torn about whether this is a good thing or not, but there's a difference in the way I seem to be viewed by some people. Wait, now that I write that, I'm not thinking it's such a good thing. I either get a "why the hell are you doing that?!" reaction, a "here's a helpful tip!!" reaction, a "well I really only eat fruit/agave/'natural sugar' and you really don't need to cut that out! Everything in moderation!" reaction, or someone who really doesn't care. Honestly, I come across the not caring attitude a lot less than I thought. Everyone seems to have an opinion about what I'm doing. I don't always mind. Sometimes the tips really are helpful. I think it's odd how concerned people are with what goes in someone else's body and I think it has more to do how they feel about their own eating habits and food in general. Strangely, some people seem to respect me more and take me more seriously than they used to. This I find to be genuinely weird and off-putting. I don't have to tell you that our society puts a HUGE emphasis on what a woman eats, what she looks like, and how much she weighs, then proceeds to base the sum total of her worth on those factors. I'm angry that the fact that I don't eat sugar somehow warrants more respect than many other things that I do with my life. It's like I'm finally paying attention to what I really should have been paying attention to all along as a woman. There's also this weird idea that healthy eating is somehow a mark of enlightenment and emotional well-being, when there are a billion other factors in what someone eats. Turns out healthy eating does not make one a superior human being.
- Sugar free does not automatically equal healthy. I tend to get so excited when I find sugar free snacks and I can go a bit overboard. And twice I just NEEDED something sweet and broke down and got sugar free pudding and knowing how bad artificial sweeteners are, I felt like it might have been better just to have the sugar.
- It's hard to order at restaurants, which I do a lot because it's a way my friends and I socialize. That's changed a bit, but I'm still a Southerner. We relate with food in front of us, so I've had to just go with food that normally would not have sugar. I'm not sure it's always been sugar free, but all I can do is try.

This has been an interesting time in my life to try out such a big diet change. Tomorrow is my last graduate school class. I'm looking for my first real big girl career job. I'll likely be putting my stuff in storage and couch-hopping starting the end of next month. A letter with an unrealistic plan for paying back my staggering amount of student loan debt arrived yesterday and I've realized I've arrived in adulthood. These are all situations that would normally send me running for chocolate. I feel like I've had to come to terms with stress without food as a crutch, which is important to learn.

All things considered, I'm damn proud of myself. And slap happy this whole thing is almost half over.